I've been thinking about distance a lot lately. Really, just the word distance keeps appearing in my mind and on the tip of my tongue, but I'm not sure why.
Lately I've been feeling a little down, and I think it's because I've been dwelling on distance. Just a few months ago, my life was on what feels like a dramatically different path. I feel so far from that. And sometimes the distance I have yet to go --all the things I want to accomplish and see and do-- can be even more paralyzing than the past. The gap, the disparity, is overwhelming. It's amazing to me how distance, such an abstract concept, can feel so tangible, SO CLOSE.
I mean, it's not even a thing. It's a state of sorts, a measurement, an action, sometimes an inaction. It's not static. It's always changing --a gap growing larger or shrinking smaller and smaller-- So, why does it cause me to just STOP?
There's one definition of 'distance' that particularly struck me:
an extent of space measured other than linearly
Life is not linear. We don't live in a straight line, So why is it that we (read: I) focus on the distance between Point A and Point B, instead of the individual events? It's as if we try to define and name parts of our lives (i.e. that was my 'grunge phase' or 'remember that one time when I had bangs' or 'college' or 'high school' or even 'my twenties'), and put them on a continuum...a clean, clear path. I get that as humans we need to compartmentalize thoughts and phases and time to make sense of it and keep everything in some sort of order. But, sometimes by naming parts of our lives, we undermine the beauty and the majesty of what life is --a collection and collaboration of millions and billions of instances that enhance and add and create and sustain one another.
What a wonderful thought (well, it is to me...). How much more precious does the present become when we understand that this moment is becoming our life...this moment is giving purpose to past moments and will hopefully make future moments sweeter, more meaningful, and more complete.
'Now' is different than then. 'Now' won't last, but 'now' is so good.
Now, I have a wonderful, strong family. Now, I have passion for my little business. Now, I have a solid, growing group of friends. Now, I have more confidence than I ever have before. Now, I have an eagerness for life that I haven't felt in a while. Now, this moment, is serving some purpose, helping my future self in some way that I can't even comprehend...and that's pretty freaking awesome.
So, distance isn't such a big deal. It doesn't have to be this big bad scary concept. Maybe it's just another name we give to time. Another name we give to life. It's where we've been, where we'll be, where we are...who we are. We are resilient beings. We have the ability to overcome huge obstacles and life trials and we are SO CAPABLE of accomplishing great things. Getting to and from epic and sad and chaotic moments doesn't have to be so daunting. It's just about taking the next step, savoring each footfall, and being grateful for the occasional moments when we feel like we've finally 'made it.'